One of the gravest sins a person
can commit is one that, sadly, is done on a daily basis and is rarely
recognized as wrong. Wasting someone's time is an ethical crime and a moral
sin, but many people treat time – both their own and that of others – as an
endless commodity that can be used or misused at will.
Committing this sin against another person is an act that God evaluates seriously, in large
part because time is something that can never be refunded. Once you waste
someone's time, it can never be returned, and so you have stolen something
extremely valuable.
There
are many different ways that people commonly waste others' time. For example, getting
extensive advice from a salesperson in a store when you have no intention of
buying from them, but instead plan to use the free advice to buy a product
online, is theft of that salesperson's time. As well, this shows cruelty by
raising their hopes of making a sale, and prevents them from spending that time
with someone who may actually buy from them.
Leading
someone on, by faking emotions or raising their hopes, and making them believe
that they are investing their time wisely when, in fact, the time and effort
was useless, is a sin.
A recent example of this occurred
on the television show "A Shot At Love."
Not unlike other "reality" dating shows, the main premise of the show is that
Tila Tequila, a bi-sexual, gets doted upon by 32 men and women over the course
of the season. Contestants are pitted against one another in ridiculous challenges,
and the ones who least impress her are gradually eliminated.
The final contestant is the one
with whom Tila would most like to further pursue a relationship.
Last week, the final two this
season were a man named Bo, and a woman named Kristy. Kristy was offered the
'shot at love,' and promptly declined. To paraphrase Kristy, she said she,
"wasn't ready yet for a relationship."
When did Kristy realize she didn't
want to have a relationship? When she was fifth, fourth or third to last? When
she knew she was in the top two? The responsible thing to do would be to bow
out with the first sign of cold feet. No one would believe her if she said that
a switch flipped the instant she was offered the win at the end.
A
humiliated, crushed and befuddled Tila could not understand how Kristy went
through all of this trouble only to toss a wrecking ball at the very moment the
final choice was made. Though it is not exactly the same thing, it might seem a
lot like a bride getting to the altar, and when asked to say, "I do", she says,
"I don't."
The two problems with leading
someone on are both the waste of time, and the devastation of shame. The Talmud
says that one who humiliates another it is as though they have murdered them.
And for good reason. Embarrassment and shame have the power to cause more pain,
more suffering, than any other feeling. The cruelest people are those who value
neither others' time, nor other people's dignity.
The bored, the careless, the
narcissistic, or the malicious, thrill at shoving others to a lower level, to
gain control, or because they think the rest of the world exists to serve them.
This Tila/Kristy scenario proves
two things about hurting others. What's as bad as causing someone pain? The
sting of indifference: Kristy deceived Tila, and did not care. Tila's pain was
apparently irrelevant.
And what is worse than suffering?
Suffering without meaning or reason. Kristy caused Tila to suffer, and offered
no reasonable answer for it other than her own whim.
While I'm no fan of the show or the
shallowness of the dating ritual on display, sometimes there are real life
lessons to be learned from the least expected places.
It wasn't bad enough that Kristy
was leading on Tila, and ripped out her heart at the very end. It is a more
terrible thing to humiliate someone, and even worse to do so publicly. Tila's
time, emotions, and dignity, were robbed of her, on national television no
less. Time is in limited supply, and we can never recover it. The damage is
worse when someone else takes those away from you, especially through stealth
and deception.
So easily we TiVo our television
shows and skip commercials, because our time is valuable. We prefer to send a
BlackBerry message or an email message instead of phoning, because our time is
valuable. But when it comes to the time that belongs to others, paradoxically, we
use it up easily. Similarly, people are very careful when they spend their own
money, and will be overly generous when spending someone else's money.
We can earn money for our time, and
sometimes our time is so precious that we pay money to others to save us time,
or give time to save us money. Now, suppose if whenever a person wastes
another's time, there was a fee attached. For example, you'd be charged for
coming late to a meeting and making other people wait for you. You'd see a lot fewer
people wasting the time of others. Somehow people wrongly believe that if
someone's not paying you, the time comes free.
Judaism teaches that time is
crucial. Time must be respected, and time must be used wisely. If there was a
recurring theme in Judaism, other than bringing order through God's word, and
how to interact with your fellow, it would surely be to use time sensibly. Time
is not only in limited supply, but is the essence of our life.
Judaism speaks numerously about
"time bound laws." Three times a day to pray, and some twelve holy days each
year, and require a large time investment. Jews who keep kosher wait several
hours between eating a meat meal to a dairy one. Time is not only measured
vigilantly, but is indeed invaluable.
During the Omer, Judaism teaches
the imperative to count the days between Passover - the remembrance of the
Exodus - and the holiday of Shavuot, the day the Israelites received the Torah,
to emphasize that every day must "count."
In Hebrew, the word for month is
chodesh, which also means "new." The word in Hebrew for year is shana, which
also means "different." It is there to tell us that every month and every year
must be new and different.
Rabbi
Abraham Joshua Heschel, a late twentieth century teacher, explained in his book
The Sabbath: Its Meaning For Modern Man
that Judaism is a religion of time, not space, and that the Sabbath symbolizes
the sanctification of time.
No
matter what I think of Tila as a person, or her ridiculous dating schemes, even
the most vacuous of television shows can offer a greater moral lesson. | 
